Wednesday, December 17, 2008

New Rules for the Office Christmas Lunch

  • If the waiter asks red, white (Chardonnay, Savion Blanc) do not reply, "Yes!".
  • If the office Politically Correct Shrew decides to visit your end of the table, rethink this opportunity to ignore her, stare off into the distance wistfully and polish off another glass of Chardonnay Merlot Blanc .
  • Or not.
  • If you proceed to thank all people who have not pissed you off this year in this state, they will think you have gone off the deep end.
  • Do not get "handsy" with the gay friend as you both glad eye the marines at the next table.
  • No food fights, even if tiramisu seems the mighty ultimate weapon.
  • Wasting a prosciutto appetizer is heresy.
  • Keep the interpretive dancing for the office with the doors closed.


Mnmom said...

Perhaps you should ask the PC Shrew if she's found Jesus??

Gay friends - every women needs some.

Wasting prosciutto - or has Italian hubby calls it "proshoot" is a crime and really should be written into the US Constitution.

What about Liturgical Dancing? I think that's best left for the "Blind and Deaf" church service.

Melinda June said...

I'm sitting next to you next year, and we'll hoard bottles.

michaelg said...

These are brilliant rules. I'm completely with you on wasting prosciutto.
And what's so wrong about geting handsy with your gay friend with the marines near by? Seems fine to me.

Mnmom said...

Because if your gay friend is a woman, they won't hit on either or you.

If your gay friend is a man, again, they won't hit on either of you.

michaelg said...

MnMom- if your gay friend is a woman and you're a woman you've just completed the following equation: 1 woman + 1 woman = every straight man's fantasy (even though most straight men when they say they want two lesbians don't understand that lesbians just are't that in to men).

Mnmom said...

HA! MG, you are so right. Plus, at my age, if I and one of my friends were getting handsy, most sailors would just find it gross.