Friday, November 30, 2007

Smacking in the Haid

Tagged by choice, from the lovely Melinda June who likes sheep too. And because the NyQuil Hasn't kicked in and the Steven's off to Sesshin:

The Leiderhosen Smack Worthy Offenses
  1. Ultra low-rise jeans with the colored g-strings. Oh, Honey Sweetie Sugar... oh please, please don't.
  2. Deliberate bad parking.
  3. Lunchroom/Kitchen spam. In other words: pamphlets.
  4. Over-plucked eyebrows. Surprise does not mean "younger".
  5. Petulant, spoilt children.
  6. The half drunk four dollar latte abandoned next to a garbage can. What exactly is supposed to be its destiny?
  7. A great busker with an empty hat and a lousy audience.
  8. Pushing, bumping, shoving. Freaks me out.
  9. Anyone over 16 on a skateboard. This offense has cause some shouted epithets to the tune of: "HOW -in the name of bakesales- do you ever expect to get LAID?!" Yes, I know. I am going to Hell.
  10. People unwilling to dance or risk appearing foolish.
  11. Bulimics: insulting to food and those who create it.
Read it all? You're tagged, Darling.

3 comments:

kirelimel said...

Wonderful list, may I add a comment on the low-rise issue. I work in the 3-6 elementary school and this trend, minus g-strings, is borderline offensive, every time these kids bend down to tie a shoe or grab something off the floor...plumber butt. ugh. Bring back the paper-bag waistline NOW.

michaelg said...

Fabulous.
On whom is a thong sexy? We saw an over-tanned, bleach blond 50 year old man in an electric g-string thing in Puerto Vallarta. Nobody wants to see it, so put it away!
Pushing, bumping, shoving. Come with me to a national quilt show and watch how much I get pushed around like I'm invisible. They think I'm an "in the way" husband. Smack!
Ah, skateboarding. Two of my nephews aspired to be professional skateboarders. One now sells cars in Alaska. The other is at some fast food joint and doing drugs. A Cautionary Tale. They are indeed getting laid, but by chickybawanas, not young women of good breeding and education. Smack! *sigh*

Melinda June said...

I concur...excellent list. In fact, i think the ultra-low-rise jeans are stupid full stop.